Father, please numb me to the pain of this trap,

So I can stand it a little longer.

I’m not ready to gnaw my leg off just yet. 

Yes, I took a little hit today.

It should not have taken me by surprise like it did.

I saw it coming, but I suppose what took me by surprise was its depth.

Or maybe it was having my troubles at work come to a head.

I’m so sick of it all I could vomit.

I am an alien there.

And I feel like I’m an alien here, too.

This may be the last time I come.

I look around and wonder just why I am actually here.

I’m so empty.

I’m sure the cloud has followed me here as well.

It suffocates me. 

Where is my place where I belong?

Where are my people?

What’s wrong with me?

It’s easy to blame the enemy, but I just can’t be that much of a high-value target.

Who or what will save me from this vicious cycle?

This perpetual death?

What am I looking for anyway? 

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(written at the Open Mike at the East Bay Coffee House)