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In January of ’05 J.W. left COP. He had only been there for a few months, and although I had met him only once his leaving saddened me. He was to be Vickie’s boss, replacing T. L. as the head of the Graphic Arts/Communications dept. He was hired because he was young, talented, and brought fresh, new ideas. But, as usual, he was suppressed. When he gave his 2 weeks notice L. L., as usual, told him to leave right away. That alone hurt a lot of people, but what saddened me went a lot deeper. Among his fresh ideas was one that had writers and poets like me post their work on the church website. Many people, including myself, were very excited about this. He was also interested in the ArtsExpo idea. For once, I felt that I really might belong and have a place in the church. (I felt that God had brought him here mainly for me.) But now he is gone and that hope of belonging went with him. Perhaps the saddest part is that I am at peace with not belonging. Recently I began to think that maybe God wants my ministry to be outside the church. Perhaps I can be most effective just bringing the love of Christ out to the people who may never come to church. I’m at peace with this idea also. I’ve been there before. Actually, most of my walk has been among non-believers. I’m also more at peace with the entry of 12/26/04. I had a dream where it occurred to me that I never asked anyone to schedule a signing or reading, or anything else. I know that no one at the church is opposing me. I just think that my good start in my writing career was on the back burner with so many other events and issues pressing them. I could have pursued it, but I, too, had many other events and issues demanding my attention. (That was the same period that Jamie decided to move in with Patty, with all that entailed.) I have no hard feelings toward anyone. I know that God is guiding my path, just like in the rowboat. We’ll see what happens. – 1/21/05
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